My love for my children changed my life. It was worth it to go through every doubt, every question, every search of scripture translation to get to the place I am now. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me for having trans kids and a lesbian kid. I've blocked friends (and some family) access to information about my life, who could have endangered the kids. If there was grief, it was my children's grief that concerned me more than the initial grief and shock as they each came out. Becoming an Ally was a fierce protective momma bear mechanism. And it led me to new knowledge about the Jesus I KNEW could not have singled out these precious ones. I hope any parent struggling with new information about their queer kids will go searching as hard as I did and not stop, just because they are afraid of losing friends and family. Don't sit in self-pity and confusion.. get out there and fight for your kid(s)! It's worth it! Deep down, you must believe that Jesus love is greater and that you were taught wrong. Become an investigator. Read everything you can about Greek, Hebrew, Aramaic translations of scripture. Also study the history of Christian Nationalist influence on how the church made some devastatingly WRONG conclusions to interpret God's holy words. A suggested start would be "God and the Gay Christian" by Matthew Vines. And then I would keep going deeper, by opening your mind to searching as if you are hearing Jesus for the first time. Look at studies about ancient texts and culture. Watch the documentary "Bad Faith" and see if it resonates with you. Don't wallow in your grief, be an investigator! Eventually, you may come out the other side seeing you have a stronger faith and gratitude to have queer children! It is so worth the journey!!!
Derek. Exceptional piece. Parental love can conquer all. The LGBTQ+ choice is based on love and following one’s heart not an act of defiance. Stephen Miller is a disgraceful, hate mongering individual. Is Trump’s ass kissing Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent a Miller hated transgender? Is he the husband or wife in his gay marriage according to Miller’s hate criteria. Of note, as a parent I want my children to be happy irrespective of their life choices. Thanks for having the courage to address these real issues with guidance not added guilt.
“It’s always been about a God who keeps crossing the lines that humans draw, insisting that there’s way more room than we ever imagined.”
That sentence made me weep! Very powerful sermon you have written today. And how Jesus expanded the circle. No one should feel like they are outside the circle. Derek you may keep me believing!!
I am not the parent of a trans kid but I have friends and relatives who are. I think you have left out one other source of internal conflict and anguish for such parents -- the grief and confusion of losing the child they thought their child was: for example, "my daughter" who I assumed was going to become a woman like me and has now rejected the idea of being a woman; "my son" who was a cool dude (I thought) and is now adopting all sorts of accoutrements of cultural femininity that I myself have trouble with.
It's not just the judgment of others that these parents have to process; it's their own judgment of themselves, for the deeply ingrained assumptions they now find radically challenged by their own children's journeys. Becoming your child's ally requires reconfiguring so many values and allegiances that were once the ground beneath your feet. That in itself is very hard work -- without even adding in the further pressures that come from outside.
My love for my children changed my life. It was worth it to go through every doubt, every question, every search of scripture translation to get to the place I am now. I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me for having trans kids and a lesbian kid. I've blocked friends (and some family) access to information about my life, who could have endangered the kids. If there was grief, it was my children's grief that concerned me more than the initial grief and shock as they each came out. Becoming an Ally was a fierce protective momma bear mechanism. And it led me to new knowledge about the Jesus I KNEW could not have singled out these precious ones. I hope any parent struggling with new information about their queer kids will go searching as hard as I did and not stop, just because they are afraid of losing friends and family. Don't sit in self-pity and confusion.. get out there and fight for your kid(s)! It's worth it! Deep down, you must believe that Jesus love is greater and that you were taught wrong. Become an investigator. Read everything you can about Greek, Hebrew, Aramaic translations of scripture. Also study the history of Christian Nationalist influence on how the church made some devastatingly WRONG conclusions to interpret God's holy words. A suggested start would be "God and the Gay Christian" by Matthew Vines. And then I would keep going deeper, by opening your mind to searching as if you are hearing Jesus for the first time. Look at studies about ancient texts and culture. Watch the documentary "Bad Faith" and see if it resonates with you. Don't wallow in your grief, be an investigator! Eventually, you may come out the other side seeing you have a stronger faith and gratitude to have queer children! It is so worth the journey!!!
Amen.
Derek. Exceptional piece. Parental love can conquer all. The LGBTQ+ choice is based on love and following one’s heart not an act of defiance. Stephen Miller is a disgraceful, hate mongering individual. Is Trump’s ass kissing Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent a Miller hated transgender? Is he the husband or wife in his gay marriage according to Miller’s hate criteria. Of note, as a parent I want my children to be happy irrespective of their life choices. Thanks for having the courage to address these real issues with guidance not added guilt.
“It’s always been about a God who keeps crossing the lines that humans draw, insisting that there’s way more room than we ever imagined.”
That sentence made me weep! Very powerful sermon you have written today. And how Jesus expanded the circle. No one should feel like they are outside the circle. Derek you may keep me believing!!
What an incredibly kind thing to say, Ginny! Thank you
Thank you for this post. I appreciate your heart for families and individuals who are living this experience.
I am not the parent of a trans kid but I have friends and relatives who are. I think you have left out one other source of internal conflict and anguish for such parents -- the grief and confusion of losing the child they thought their child was: for example, "my daughter" who I assumed was going to become a woman like me and has now rejected the idea of being a woman; "my son" who was a cool dude (I thought) and is now adopting all sorts of accoutrements of cultural femininity that I myself have trouble with.
It's not just the judgment of others that these parents have to process; it's their own judgment of themselves, for the deeply ingrained assumptions they now find radically challenged by their own children's journeys. Becoming your child's ally requires reconfiguring so many values and allegiances that were once the ground beneath your feet. That in itself is very hard work -- without even adding in the further pressures that come from outside.
I think that's an excellent point!
This was spoken (written) so pastoral to parents and is so needed.
Thank you, Mae
Thank you.
Thank you for the clarity in this post contrasting bullying and stale scripts with the love and outreach of Jesus.
Wow. Thank you, thank you. As a grandmother in this fight, I appreciate your words with tears in my eyes.
I’m glad these words found you, Debbie
Your writing is so often a lifeline, Derek 🙏🏻❤️
Thank you so much, my friend! I hope you know how much your encouragement means to me.
I'd rather be excluded for who I include than included for who I exclude. Thank you for this!
I came across this on social media and just had to share it to FARK.com’s Politics tab. I left a comment there about an experience from my own past:
https://www.fark.com/comments/14085458/187059632